HOW TO USE A CHILDREN: This should be read by every parent!
This should read just every parent, especially the one to whom the screaming has become part of the child’s education.
And do not say I’m not that. Maybe you and you are not really like that.
But did you ever think about what a child is hearing when a parent shakes at him?
Father Laura Markham has recently been interviewed about the portal Fatherly. Indeed, it is more than real in its standpoints, and is aware that many are screaming that sometimes parents really do not know how else, especially if they are tired, full of concern and commitment.
Anyway, when you read what you are saying, we hope you will really shrink your screaming to a minimum or completely.
And become the parent who shouts only when it really is needed. In this case, there is no evidence that you will, in any way, affect your child’s development, self-esteem, and behavior. But if shouting occurs everyday, then you have to know what consequences you can leave. And you will not notice them immediately, but they will go out to school, in higher classes, at the teenage age. And that’s because shouting is not just shouting.
What, then, does the child “hear” when a parent shouts:
Fighting, escaping, or freezing
Laura Markham argues that shouting will not leave long-term effects on the brain of children, but in the short term it will greatly change it. She sniffed it like this – when you talk with your baby beautifully, patiently, with a lot of emotion, the child calms down because his brain got the neurotransmitters a message that everything is fine now. This is also the chemical reaction that affects the hormones, which causes the child to feel comfortable and safe. Then it is logical that the opposite reaction occurs in the snoozing, and this is especially noticeable in children under the age of 4 whose front cerebral cortex is just beginning to develop. Those screaming can not easily be understood as adults because they receive the signals that they are endangered, they do not know how to deal with it, and follow an automatic reaction – fighting, escaping, or instinctively freezing.
That is why children of that age often post as if they are licking you when you are talking to them, running away or just looking at you.
And you continue to shout without realizing why your child still “does not hear”.
Vibration Does Not Turn into Communication
Although many parents think that raising a child in order to finally stop, concentrate, and obey, the truth is actually that the child shuts off at first.
“This is the logical reaction of each of us, but as long as we try to concentrate in such situations, the children will first try to overcome you when you cry. Smaller children will also want to automatically raise their voice to you, and the older will probably turn their eyes well. This means that neither one nor the other responded to the way the parents looked. Both of them will automatically shut down, so they will not listen to it properly.
Adults are very bad!
Every parent has his child’s 100% need in life – they care for them, feed them, bathe, entertain them, they are safe ports until they grow taller. They then turn into monsters that endanger their security. So with only one excuse your child is positive in a negative environment, just because it is a normal reaction of the child to this state of affairs because they are not yet mature enough to be able to cope with the whim.
Even if you keep talking, the child will not get used to it.
Although it may seem that the child is still confused, with a blank look, remember those chemical reactions from the beginning of the story. They were not accustomed to shouting, but only to “exclusion” and learned that shouting is a pattern of behavior that has only just become “normal”. But never ending normal.
Vikings do not become authority
There are parents who are screaming less, but at some point they probably think “how would the child know that he was overwhelmed if you did not shout?”
The solution is much sharper than shouting, called humor. You can still leave the impression that your authority can not be questioned, but with a small amount of humor, your child will be much more willing to come close to you, listen to you, and acknowledge what you have said to them. With a smile, lots of love and a lot of chemical reactions that will tell them that everything’s fine.
When it is still ok to shout
When a child is in danger. Then the child will automatically connect the risk cry and stop on time – not to go under the car, not to climb up the stairs anymore, to watch the field on which to walk, not to fight with a friend …
Then the excitement will make sense. Then and only then.